My mouth made me do it

Three stories from the day:
#1:  At the Gap, I went to exchange a size for Brandon, but got distracted and returned his shirt and bought myself a dress.  Funny how that happens.
Back to the point.
At the check out, a woman cuts in front of me.  I glare.  The cashier gives me an understanding smile.  I blow it off.  Then the cashier informs the lady, in a very kind manner, that if she takes another shirt, the third is free.  The woman looks at her and shakes her head.  The cashier says it again. With hand gestures.  Nope.  Then the cashier switches to English.  Nope.  The lady says, in very bad English:  "I'm Russian.  I want these."  The cashier tries Spanish.  Nope.  Portuguese.  Nope.  Then, staying very calm and with a kind face and tone she walks her through it.  The Russian is put out and not so kind and walks off to figure out what do next, leaving her articles, as if to "save" her place.  Sorry, Russian, this is Paris.  Yes, I step in and the cashier and I have a nice talk about the fact the Russians never speak anything but Russian.  I feel superior and proud that I got my place back in line.

#2:  G20, French Grocery store.
I say bonjour, the kids place the items on the belt.  Aidan proceeds to find my very last nerve and then I look to see if we are done.  She is giving me a, I could give a "shit less" look and points to the screen with the total.  I stop.  Return the look and say, "I speak French.  Do you?"  UHHH, Mais, bahhh, ouii.
I give another shit look.  Checked the change she gave me, to see if she speaks math better than her French, gave another shit look for good measure and walked out.

#3  Different bakery, because I was too lazy to walk to the good one.
We need dessert.  Yes, it's a need.
I spy some Chausson de Framboise, which are rare and I ask for one.  Then Jaylee asked me if they have the ones with apple.  I ask the lady.  She gives me a blank, nobody is home, stare.  I ask again.  Same shit look.  So, in English now, I say, and not so nice:  "Why the look!?  Jaylee, am I saying something wrong?"  Jaylee says, no.  Now the lady behind her says, "we have lemon and raspberry, but the apple is over there."  She had an accent!  So, I look at the girl and say, "I WANT the apple one over THERE!"  I get a few other things and instead of telling me the total, she shows me a calculator.  WTF!!??  I just said Mille feuille, bitch, I think I can understand 6 euros!

I wish I could have recorded Jaylee when we walked out, she sounded like she was 16:
"What was her problem!?  You totally said that correct!"



jdudd said...

RE point 1, 'Yes, I step in and the cashier and I have a nice talk about the fact the Russians never speak anything but Russian.'

I think you just turned into an a-hole Frenchman.

Peggy Rice said...

I blame Stockholm Syndrome.

The Carroll Family said...

You crack me up!

Anonymous said...

There is going to be some monumentally awesome story before you leave this city where something happens that leads you to holding down and old French woman and hitting her relentlessly, while yelling at her in multiple languages.......and I will laugh when you recount the story to me.

Carol Wexell Wayne said...

Listen to you pissing off the French...the nasty ones...I am proud of you!!!

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