10/28/09

Brady Bunch Part 1

Okay, one of the reasons along with a good laugh and to bribe you to become a follower, when I posted me and my brother with mullets, was to introduce you to my dad. He came for a visit a while back and people have asked why I did not blog it.

Well, because I can't just post a picture of my dad and a woman younger than me without a background story (It's coming my pretties, hold your horses).

So, today is your special day, I am going to condense my family story, as best I can, and hopefully in the end you will get a good laugh out of it, as well as understand that I love my crazy, messed up family even if we belong on the Jerry Springer Show, er okay, Maury Povich Show once I tell you about all the kids floating around.

I grew up like the Brady Bunch, except with worse hair and clothes, but apparently I liked it that way.

One day a lovely lady, my mom, met this fellow, my dad.

Well, technically speaking he is not my biological dad, but that guy is roaming around somewhere most likely driving an 18-wheeler and I don't recall him at all, so trust me when I say the fellow my mom met is my DAD.

The fellow had four kids, that we knew of at the time...

One day the lady and fellow got married and slowly we became the Brady Bunch, without out all the sibling love at first, but they came to like me eventually.

So for a very long time we lived like the Brady Bunch, but with a pool and lots of friends over at all times, who never seemed to go home...

Then one day the Fellow came down with some heart issues, but before going under the knife he decided to spring a new kid on us (very Grey's Anatomy), no not a young kid, but a grown, very nice, very beautiful grown adult with three boys of her own.

In dad fashion he did this in complete surprise attack mode.

I was the last child to arrive in Houston (location of hospital for surgery) due to snow in Reno, so mom, dad and sister picked me up from the airport.

Mom and dad are talking softly, then not so softly in the car and I hear "just tell her" and he says, NO.

Hum, now is a good time to mention that lady and fellow have not been getting along great.

We get to the hotel and Lady and sister walk away leaving dad and I alone and he says, "I'm going to tell you something that is going to change your life".

My thoughts: interesting approach to tell someone that you are getting a divorce.

O, not that easy.

We walk to the elevator and then enter a room where I see my siblings and siblings significant others gathered, plus another person that I do not know. Trust me, this sets off no red flags, random people at important family events are very common in my family.

Slowly and with everyone watching me, he says:

"This is your brother Jon and his girlfriend Anita"

Thanks for that, I was unsure of them for a minute there.

"This is your sister Patty"

Nice to meet you.

"This is your sister Leigh Ann"

Yes, again nice to meet you...WTF?

"Your sister Kim."

Hello there.

"And your other sister Kim"

My what strong swimmers you have DAD!

At this point everyone starts laughing and he says,

"See I told you this one was funny."

Why did I say "my what strong swimmers you have"?

Well, because it is a well know family fact that dad also had a bit of fun in high school that led to fathering a child, which we have never met. So, now with the new sister, all those sex talks in high school where starting to make sense!!!


Sorry folks, time for an intermission (two kids at home on vacation do not make for good blogging), but if you are doing the math, on this day, my siblings and I started to count BOTH extra siblings, so all of our numeric numbers just changed.

So, as I leave you to chew on that, for those of you who became followers, BIG thank you, to those of you who did not, LADY and FELLOW, go to the left scroll down and DO IT.
Love ya, mean it.

6 comments:

Sari said...

It's like Brothers & Sisters on ABC. I'm so glad you're part of that family though, that's how we all got to grow up together in P-town. Can't wait for the ...to be followed.

patty said...

http://www.encyclopedia.com/video/U0kJHQpvgB8-every-sperm-is-sacred-monty.aspx

patty said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6wlyDoDS1c


Hahahahaha

Dad said...

Great post Daughter !! I love it!!
It has been anything but a BORING life for all of us. AND I Love ALL of you VERY much!!
P.S. Remember, I chose YOU , I had to take the others!! LOL,LOL

Jon Van said...

anything but BORING?! ... I think Carrie Fisher would describe her life the same way.

patty said...

At least none of our parents danced at our 16th b-day party drunk with no underwear on!.....Poor Carrie!