So a few weeks back I might have written something not so nice about my neighbors. Well, it turns out that those individuals where not my neighbors, they were the house sitters. I might have called them something along the lines of a fat, stinking, shitting, smoking cat...or something close. Well, it turns out that they are far from that.
Today my doorbell rang and there stood the nicest little old lady that did not speak a lick of English. I understood that she was introducing herself as my neighbor and if I needed anything to please come ask. Then she saw Aidan and it was all over.
She needed to hug him, kiss him, the whole nine yards and then Miss Jaylee with her blond locks comes around to see what going on and the next thing I know we are inside of her apartment. A very cool apartment I might add. Turns out there are some cats in there, four to be exact. I am very allergic, but sucked it up. The kids were beyond excited to be around cats that would let them touch them. Jaylee proceeded to tell the story that I left our "fat cat" in Texas. Thankfully, I don't believe she understood.
Anyways, a long story short her daughter and husband came home (the daughter spoke perfect English) and it turns out my neighbors are very well known artist around the world. On the same site she is Maurille Prevost. Their apartment was one of those you would see in a movie. I'm sure that every piece had a story.
Now onto a completely different subject. The stomach flu made it's way through our house over the past couple of days. It started with Jaylee saying, "my tummy is saying that it wants to throw up, but I don't want to." Well, the tummy won and then the rest of the house followed suite. So, today I found myself at the laundry mat beside a very colorful character. Of course, I messed up the machine, so as he was telling me what to do, he asks "where are you from." So, we all know the answer to that one, and he says, "normally when an American asks me which way to go, I tell them take a left and then go fuck yourself."
O, thank you very much.
So I stand there a bit stunned repeating my silent mantra in my head "Do you speak German? NO? You're welcome." But, of course he doesn't stop at this.
He goes into Chirac, France, Iraq, and even the Pope. Really, I just wanted to wash some sheets, not get schooled on the ways that the USA is an ass in his mind. And last time I checked I look nothing like the other Mrs. Rice, so why do I want to be having this conversation?
Also, now is a good time to mention he is missing all six front teeth, so I truly can't concentrate even if I wanted to. I'm assuming that all the potential dentists that he visited were from the USA and he told them to go fuck themselves too.
So, as I stood there and contemplated so many things that I could say, yet remained silent, he eyed the book I had in my hand. It was one of Jaylee's that sadly met with her vomit. Now that he knows that I have children he wants to bless them and protect them by giving me "Saint Mary/ Mother Mary" charms (sorry I'm not Catholic, so I'm not sure who she is). But, before I depart he must let me know that I cannot resale anything that has been blessed, that would be a crime. Okay, thank you for that information (this comes after he schooled me in how bad the American dollar value is right now...really...like I had no idea). This is the best part. As I'm finally leaving he says, "I LOVE AMERICANS!".
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to my world.