So a few weeks back I might have written something not so nice about my neighbors. Well, it turns out that those individuals where not my neighbors, they were the house sitters. I might have called them something along the lines of a fat, stinking, shitting, smoking cat...or something close. Well, it turns out that they are far from that.
Today my doorbell rang and there stood the nicest little old lady that did not speak a lick of English. I understood that she was introducing herself as my neighbor and if I needed anything to please come ask. Then she saw Aidan and it was all over.
She needed to hug him, kiss him, the whole nine yards and then Miss Jaylee with her blond locks comes around to see what going on and the next thing I know we are inside of her apartment. A very cool apartment I might add. Turns out there are some cats in there, four to be exact. I am very allergic, but sucked it up. The kids were beyond excited to be around cats that would let them touch them. Jaylee proceeded to tell the story that I left our "fat cat" in Texas. Thankfully, I don't believe she understood.
Anyways, a long story short her daughter and husband came home (the daughter spoke perfect English) and it turns out my neighbors are very well known artist around the world. On the same site she is Maurille Prevost. Their apartment was one of those you would see in a movie. I'm sure that every piece had a story.
Now onto a completely different subject. The stomach flu made it's way through our house over the past couple of days. It started with Jaylee saying, "my tummy is saying that it wants to throw up, but I don't want to." Well, the tummy won and then the rest of the house followed suite. So, today I found myself at the laundry mat beside a very colorful character. Of course, I messed up the machine, so as he was telling me what to do, he asks "where are you from." So, we all know the answer to that one, and he says, "normally when an American asks me which way to go, I tell them take a left and then go fuck yourself."
O, thank you very much.
So I stand there a bit stunned repeating my silent mantra in my head "Do you speak German? NO? You're welcome." But, of course he doesn't stop at this.
He goes into Chirac, France, Iraq, and even the Pope. Really, I just wanted to wash some sheets, not get schooled on the ways that the USA is an ass in his mind. And last time I checked I look nothing like the other Mrs. Rice, so why do I want to be having this conversation?
Also, now is a good time to mention he is missing all six front teeth, so I truly can't concentrate even if I wanted to. I'm assuming that all the potential dentists that he visited were from the USA and he told them to go fuck themselves too.
So, as I stood there and contemplated so many things that I could say, yet remained silent, he eyed the book I had in my hand. It was one of Jaylee's that sadly met with her vomit. Now that he knows that I have children he wants to bless them and protect them by giving me "Saint Mary/ Mother Mary" charms (sorry I'm not Catholic, so I'm not sure who she is). But, before I depart he must let me know that I cannot resale anything that has been blessed, that would be a crime. Okay, thank you for that information (this comes after he schooled me in how bad the American dollar value is right now...really...like I had no idea). This is the best part. As I'm finally leaving he says, "I LOVE AMERICANS!".
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to my world.


bob said...

It takes all kinds to make up the world. Were it only not so with the unpleasant ones! Best is you have a wonderful and interesting neighbor now. God Bless....Pipaw

Cari said...

You crack me up! LMAO!!

Copper Rabbit said...

Well Peg, I can see that you are definitely using the blog as a form of therapy. Let it out sister, let it out(But you may be scaring people that don't know and love you:). Therefore, I will make a statement on your behalf, "Dear Reader, pay no attention to the stressed lady with the laptop. She is not usually a potty mouth in public and is a very kind hearted, good person. Thank you for your attention." Love, Otter (concerned cousin to Peg)

Jaclyn said...

oh dear jesus, did i mention that i have passed this blog on to friends and family? and that my sister & i are now addicts? and that we get upset when there are no new blogs? and we actually discuss it... lol
love laughing with (at?) you... makes me think back to the days of yesteryear and smile - when we got to crack up a lot. (and yes, that too was at the expense of others)JK - you ARE wonderful!

Jeremy said...

Thank you Peggy. Through all of your insight I now realize that if I ever visit Paris there is a 95% chance I will end up in a Paris jail. We're going to send you a care package... it will be packed solely with American flags with which you will drape over the side of your patio for all to see.