The day finally arrived

Well, everyone said it would come and it finally did. The cry day. Sometimes I feel it creep up, but then I'm swept up with the kids or something else and it just goes away.

The first time I felt it tapping my shoulder was during the unpacking of boxes. I opened the boxes and there was the smell of my house. O' so close to tears, but way to busy. That smell of your home, the ease of knowing your surroundings, driving somewhere quickly in your car and picking up the phone and calling friends...in the same time zone. Odd how unpacking can do that, but trust me it can.

The next time was the day after we moved in. That sad feeling was creeping up on me. So, I headed out the door to the outdoor market with the kids for a little retail therapy...France style. The fresh air did me good and then out of the blue the nicest vendor gave me flowers. I was buying a pink bundle of flowers and some herbs and the next thing I know I get these beautiful bundles from the guy...
He simply says, "my boss thinks your pretty." Well, thanks. There sadness fixed. I put them around the apartment and they smelled wonderful. You can't cry if the apartment is filled with the sweetest smell.

But sadly, flowers die and today was the day that has been building.

Jaylee has been the best sport during this whole move. O I feel the knot in the throat even now! And, unfortunately, I sometimes treat her like she is older than she is. For the sake of my sanity during this move I give into Aidan more than I ever would have Jaylee. If he is screaming I have her give up the toy, just to stop the crying. If he takes something from her, I will have her just get another toy, because I don't want to hear the bickering. So, for the last week or so, my little Jaylee has started to act differently. She has started talking like a baby from time to time, throws a fit with no warning, slams doors, you name it she has been doing it. I just keep telling myself it will get better when we are settled and she is in school. Well, that was wishful thinking. Today, at the park Jaylee wet herself. She has not done this in over a year. So, we got home cleaned her up and I stopped everything. No more "fixing" the apartment while they play. No more telling her to wait. No more "give it to your brother".

I sat down on the floor and played kitchen and baby dolls. Nothing else, just play. She was delighted and so was I. Then the kicker.

Jaylee has been missing her glasses for a while. Brandon and I just assumed that she threw them out again. She has done this twice. When I asked her to find them, she just said "they are in the brown bag". I looked, not there. So, from then on she just said, "I DON'T KNOW!!!" Then she decided that she would just eat fish to make her eyes better. Ugh.

Well, while playing dolls, I pulled out the "brown bag". Aidan's diaper bag. Guess what I found. When I showed her, she said, "I told you, you just wouldn't listen to me." So I told her mommy makes you say you're sorry and now mommy is sorry. O I am an ass.

So I held it in until Brandon came home and then let it out. Bless his heart, he never saw it coming. Just standing there cooking him some fish and out the tears flowed.

Well, at least a couple of good things came out of my cry day.

  • I know that both of my kids need my individual attention more than ever.
  • Jaylee will have public record when she is older and in therapy of why she is actually on the couch thanks to this blog entry...Just think, in some ways I am actually saving her some money. The therapist can read the blog and sum up all of her and Aidan's problems much faster. Voila.


Yo said...

Oh Peggy, I think I am crying along with you. Hang in there. That is all I can think of to say. That,and I love you, and you are an amazing mommy.

Love, Gayle.

Carol said...

Dear Peggy,

We lived in 5 states in ten years...so no matter where you move it will get you. I lost it in the new grocery store...I just wanted to go back to King Soopers!

The first year is the hardest, with the biggest adjustments...hang in there.

Love you,